apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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