You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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