I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize