there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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