i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
