I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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