So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
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You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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