Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize