i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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