why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize