i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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