He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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