Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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