It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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