p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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We're too hungover to prance.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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