There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize