You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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