I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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