I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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