My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize