I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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