are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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