Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize