It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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