Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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