She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize