You just made me feel so damn special
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize