he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
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