no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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