My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize