Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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