The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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