I can tuck mytits in my pants
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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