we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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