apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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