we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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