I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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