he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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