Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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