God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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