Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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