Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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