Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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