Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she smelled like a LAN party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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