I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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