I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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