I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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