we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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