I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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