I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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