you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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